There are days when the whole world seems to run on denial. How else could anyone eat a hamburger? You seem to be grappling with an issue that's larger than you. The emotions run deep, they are complicated, and you keep running into new spaces where unfamiliar feelings are kept. At times there seems like no end to what you're experiencing. The situation is simpler than it seems. There is a distortion involved, and for one thing it's creating a mental exaggeration. That in turn may be leading you to pretend that the whole thing doesn't really exist. I suggest you take your inner journey one step at a time over the next few days. Your experience may get more intense before letting up, but a transition is in sight. Allow yourself some space, and most of all, affirm that you have a right to be feeling these things.