About this sound thing. You get sounds. I do too infrequently. You often write in sounds. Do you do any group sound stuff? Like with the Circle of Sound from WA. Do you join into the power of sound with others from where you are?

This is my lame attempt to try to get your read on what I find a rather awesome project. Planet healing and all that.

M

And when the energy comes in, it really goes. Oh my it has a life of its own. Imagine that. Isn’t always what we expected. Oftentimes it is uncomfortable. But hey we all love ourselves as evidenced our seeking to make it better for ourselves. So we come in with love, no matter how deep that sucker is buried.

Things had changed in ye ol world of medicine in the six years that separated me from the twins from hell. Mother with her brood of six was looking forward to a week’s vacation in the hospital away from “it all.” Well, that’s what adaptable easy trine happy go lucky me was looking forward to anyway. I slid into it with a smile and my Father feeling so virile after six years had all the supplies bought for the joy that was coming (every birth, he got a raise, those were the days) but that changed quickly as two days later the hospital spit my mother back into the fray. Wait a minute, what’s going on, I’m confused, happy trine got her first hit. She returned home and said she needed her vacation. But as she lay in bed, she saw my Father and brother out the window struggling to hang the clothes on the line. The breaking point was all the shirts hung up by the cuffs. It drove her nuts, so she was back on her feet again.

The birth of the twins from hell was always the big story as she wasn’t supposed to be having twins. And the predecessor was only 11 months old. She recalls the pregnancy as being too much. She got to the point where all she could ingest was salted ice cubes but the heartbeat remained strong. Ol doc only heard one heartbeat as the cunning twin sat ontop the head of the other (the other was born with black eyes from the beating of her heels and suffered from exzema no doubt from her shit, if I choose to go there).

So at long last, it is time for her to go to the hospital for her vacation to have “the” baby. It was in the days of numbing and her uterus was in good working order from lots of use. Baby one is born. Yeah, it’s done. The doctor leaves the room. Let the vacation start and she goes to sleep. But the nurse brings the doctor, Ms fertile myrtle, there’s another child, she passes out. It becomes a blur from there. But as the nurse tried to bring her back to reality, she heard and passed out two more times. Her next revealed memory is coming home from vacation, three kids in diapers, and thinking how did I ever get six children. (And somewhere is space, there was an energy preparing, smiling, and saying but wait, there’s more)

Others have told me of the message they carry and I never quite understood the importance of this message as we piggyback mother into this world. I must say thank you all for bringing it all home for me.

So energy is not stupid, it rides with Mother and knows where it is going. Mother is the vehicle. And no one knows Mother like the fetus she carries. If it changes in transport, it no longer matches, it bows out? This is not fact of course, but it could explain stillborns, and miscarries? And terminations, maybe that is a decision Mother energy and child energy make together. I think it is our socialization, that brings in all the negative thought forms about energy movement, ie guilt and punishment (but we do live in a hardcore physical world, after all). I think this is why I am pro choice, let the energies flow. And my one hardfast belief, mother energy runs deep as deep as the energy within the form she carries. There is a knowing that I have to trust.

So I give Mother a break. Human in her fraility, she did the best she could for where she was at at the time. And let’s face it we needed her energy to get here and do what we needed to do.

But don’t misunderstand me. My earlier posting said :I don’t consider [...] its accompanying energy вЂ?hatred.’ It is something else. Truly.

That energy is not ‘hatred’ – but the word lends itself for the life-violence –way beyond ‘elan vital’ or prana– that it is. Have you ever had a Tibetan Yidam come at you? Like *at* you? She’s gonna take whatever is that thing you don’t need away, and won’t waste a second doing it?

If so, think of that energy coming rather than going. That’s how I think of birth.

Lovelove,

(and thanks!)

M

Ah, yes, Victoria – me too, at age 18. He turns 40, on Tuesday. Didn’t give the baby away, nor abortion, too young, too scared, both me & dad from catholic families – we got married, but I lost my son from 5 years old till he was 23, and moved near me.

Don’t think I understand feeling of hatred, although I felt plenty pain birthing (no drugs), and lots of resentment, later, at the responsibility. And fear, at it all. (Perhaps these are all flavors licking around the real what is meant?)

At 18, was able to have a natural childbirth doctor, who still cut me, though. Dad was in labor and birth room, for all the good that did. (And they still tied me up!) Interested in astrology, even back then, looked at the clock, just after the moment of birth, so I would know!

Amazed at the sentient, wise, compassionate being who came through. Remember, being wheeled away from the birth room, how we both turned to look at each other, clearly, wondering who this other being was! I will never forget that moment.

xxAnnaT