“Your chart says you have a lot of unmet relationship needs. I suggest you find a way to express those needs without creating a disruption in your kid’s life. That is to say, keep your boyfriends and romantic intrigues out of the way of your kid, until you have tested them and you are pretty sure the relationship is stable. In my opinion the most disturbing thing in a child’s life is the parent or parents not having a stable relationship(s). You obviously need to experiment, and you may need to get a little wild. So just figure out a way to keep that project separate from your parenting project.”

THANK YOU for saying this! I wish more professionals would tell parents this! As an adult that lived through my own mother’s “Me, Me, Me” life, I know first hand how damaging it is to be dragged through all that “Mom’s boyfriends” stuff.

Countless children have been damaged in the past four decades of “Me, Me, Me” that we have endured. I agree with your advice, it is ok to do for yourself, but don’t drag the kids through the upheavals of relationships, it damages them. Also, too many kids have been physically molested or harmed by their mothers’ “boyfriends.” Stability first is the right thing to say and you nailed it. I love you for that whole paragraph.

Stressed Mom, I feel you. One thing learned from the privelege of raising five daughters that came onto this plane through me is that they are the greatest teachers we can have. Perfect little mirrors, showing us exactly how we are - try as we might not to look.

one other thing I’ve learned is that when the dynamic gets draining its time to give extra love and forgiveness, to both self and child. Sometimes that just means demonstrating faith in (and for your) kid, that all is as it should be - and let go of the solar ‘fix it’ attitude that we are led to believe constitutes ‘good parenting’.

a bit of lunar light to you, D