One Of Those Fucking People Wins New Hampshire Primary

From The Onion

CONCORD, NH—With the majority of precincts reporting, sources are now confirming that one of those fucking guys—one of the ones who wore a suit on television and talked a lot—has won the New Hampshire primary, beating five or six of the fuckers he was up against. “To be honest, I don’t really know which one of those cocksuckers I voted for, but I think it was the asshole with the hair,” New Hampshire resident Pete Harris told reporters. “I can’t remember his name, but he was the only one who looked me in the eye and didn’t immediately make me want to throw up.” Following announcement of the results, sources said one of the assholes is probably considering dropping out, another one is probably continuing on, and who really gives a flying fuck?

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7 Responses to One Of Those Fucking People Wins New Hampshire Primary

  1. baycyn says:

    Thanks for the laugh. One of those “fucking people”, indeed.

    I too have been noticing how these guys look like various pieces of shadow material — rejected/projected bits of our psyche we’re not willing to look at, the results of unexamined limiting beliefs IMO. It’s so absurd I can’t believe anyone is taking any of this/them seriously. They’re all caricatures.

    Makes me almost want to head out of the country (US). I have dual citizenship, though my other country is broke and perhaps about to drag the rest of Europe down with it. I started the process to gain that citizenship on the day after W was “reelected”. That thick red passport is just itching for its first adventure…

  2. Brendan Brendan says:

    Sounds like something I would have written back in my sailor days… The inanities and absolute BS coming out of them all have taken the entire process to a new nadir, one so low that even Joe Blow can see the shit for what it is. Empty suits, empty minds.

    After all, 61% of all Repub voters in NH didn’t vote for Mittens…he shouldn’t be feeling so invincible/inevitable yet.

    Gawd, what schmoos!

  3. Eric Francis Eric Francis says:

    Watching – somewhat against my will, out of duty – Mitt Romney’s speech last night, I kept thinking, SO WHERE THE HECK IS ALL THIS EUROPEAN STYLED SOCIALISM WE’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE?

    Seriously. Living in France as an “illegal immigrant” I was eligible for a full health care card. No questions asked. That was it — going to the doctor was a human right (I never applied for a card).

  4. zerosity zerosity says:

    …at a rolling donut hole…the flying fuck, that is.

    I have a cartoon in my mind of Eric’s phrase “broken-off fragments of the male psyche running around and each wreaking their havoc”: various headless torsos with ugly toupes on the shoulders, with stick legs and Mickey Mouse feet, flapping arms with three finger hands, running in circles around each other yelling “the sky is falling and Obama pulled it down!!”

    It is all so tediously wearying, void of anything resembling truth or relevancy.

    JannKinz

  5. Eric Francis Eric Francis says:

    These guys are like broken-off fragments of the male psyche running around and each wreaking their havoc. It’s a beautiful illustration of what has become of Republicanism in the past 15 years since Rove took over, and then the Bush/Cheney/Bush crowd left town and left a huge void of power. We’re also getting a fabulous exposé of the excuses and coverups that are being used to throw a veil over the real problems, and the onslaught of con jobs being used to get people to go against their own interests.

  6. teleskiqueen says:

    and mine…

  7. Eric Francis Eric Francis says:

    My sentiments exactly…

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