Compersion: The Only Way Out is In

When I was living on Vashon Island in the Seattle area, driving around one day I discovered the island’s little airport. A guy named George gave flight lessons there, and walking into his hangar one afternoon, I told him I was curious to learn more. He handed me a book called Stick and Rudder, written in 1944, still considered by many instructors to be the definitive flight instruction text.

Naomi from the Book of Blue. Photo by Eric Francis.
Naomi from the Book of Blue. Photo by Eric Francis.

Its author, Wolfgang Langewiesche, begins the book by telling students that an airplane is not a car, even though it smells like one. Many things about flight dynamics go contrary to what would be common sense on four wheels. On wings, it’s safer to be high up than close to the ground, and safer to go fast than to slow. Certain things that you must do as a pilot will violate every instinct in your body — such as when your airplane stalls, you need to point it directly at the ground to pick up speed and resume flying.

When we find ourselves in an “in love” situation, you could say that we trade in our wheels for wings, but with this we have to adapt to the logic of the new environment. It is not always easy to keep an intimate relationship aloft, and one of the most disturbing things that can threaten its staying aloft is jealousy.

You might think of compersion, which is about embracing the love and pleasure of our lover or anyone else, as a study in flight dynamics. This is akin to pointing the nose of an airplane downward when you go into a stall created by a jealous episode. It takes courage to do this in any event, but particularly when you’re caught flying low to the ground. But it may be the only way to keep from crashing.

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