By Maria Padhila
There has been so much poly on TV and print mainstream media that it’s hard for an overworked, hardly TV-watching person like me to keep up, even with the aid of a DVR.
I don’t get the Oprah channel — we get about 200 obscure international sports channels, but no Oprah, hmph. If I had time to watch, I’d complain. But it’s on the OWN that Our America with Lisa Ling did a polyamory segment that features, for one, the Loving More magazine/website/advocacy group triad, a MWM triad with an 11-year-old daughter (yay), and a really down-to-earth, funny, winning W who does the Polyskeptic blog.
I have been able to watch excerpts, which are available at the always-worth-visiting Polyamorous Percolations/Polyamory in the News blog by Alan and at the network’s website. The treatment is a little “OMG, weirdos!” but overall respectful in the balance. Best of all, the people in it actually get to spread out and get a little time to talk. While it’s not as, well, showy nor as dramatic as the Showtime poly show, it feels less orchestrated, as befits a ‘news’ show versus a ‘reality’ show.
I’ve been a fan of Polyskeptic for a while, despite not being one, and it was neat to see the voices connect to the voices in my head. I mean, while reading.
There must needs be these days as well as the pre-game commentary the post-game blogathon, and this show was no exception — it got a lot of attention and comment. Some of this was by the pro-poly claque who visit sites and pump up the positive — and I’m not saying it’s not needed; there are still a lot of haters out there.
But other comments are by random blog commenters who just happen to be interested, or happen to be poly, or happen to have read it and said “hmmm.”
It’s also really nice to be alive in a time when people get it. For instance, Gawker, granddaddy snarkers they are, nonetheless had it in their headline: “Lisa Ling asks polyamorous people what it’s like to be considered perverts and freaks.”
In the comments on Gawker, there’s actually a lively exchange — with polys and monos and all the gang — about choice versus lifestyle versus orientation! Just seeing this kind of discussion is enough for me. I don’t require anyone share my specific views on it. It will take a lot of talking. (Shocking, I know — imagine anything poly taking a lot of talking.) The fact that they’re talking — and that a mainstream blogger recognizes that the people in the show were being talked down to/about like zoo animals and thought that wasn’t appropriate? Priceless.
Polyskeptic posted a few responses to what it’s been like to be a W on O (I had to get that in there) and responding to comments they’re getting. Here’s one piece that gives you an idea about how they know how to take it lightly:
[Comment:] Every poly person I’ve met is incredibly smug.
Yeah, I’ve met those people too. You have my full permission to be irritated by them. We’re also all atheists, so we’re two for two on memetic smugness. … I think all of us at polyskeptic believe that it is better, all else being equal, to work past the jealousies and insecurities that make polyamory seem impossible to so many people. None of us give a shit whether, having done that, a person dates one person or four people or no people. If that’s smug to you, okay I guess.
Polyskeptic writer Gina has long been interesting for her honesty and her honest struggles. Her writing on the need to come out to her co-workers and how she got through that process and her frankness about her not-always-pretty emotions ends up being very beautiful in the end. She also, I now see, looks lovely being laced into a steampunk costume corset.
She has a three-part series, “Being the Best Version of Myself,” on the blog that you might find interesting reading. Here are a few excerpts:
[T]his is how I deal with jealousy. … When you are feeling jealous about your partner and another person, you’ve got to accept that you feel jealous (it’s likely nothing higher minded than that… I had to learn that too. I have a reptilian brain like everyone else), and then ask these questions… and then say the answers out loud to your partner.
Do I manage to not ever feel jealous or have it manifest in a less than fortunate way? No. It still happens. It will be with me forever, but it is not who I am. I deal with it when it comes up as productively as I can. These days I am more often successful than not and that’s great. …
I say this unequivocally: Honesty is the best policy. Just because it hurts doesn’t mean that it isn’t the way you should live. Life is suffering. It is also joy. Both should be experienced with knowledge of the truth. Joy based on lies is ultimately suffering. Suffering based on lies is suffering that didn’t need to be.